I feel like shit.

Fuck.

Irritated but a bunch of ppl. Met people that I don't want to meet. UGGH...It's SOO hard to plaster a smile on my face and keep it up there for a full 15 minutes when all I want to do is to tell them to buzz off and I walk off to somewhere more peaceful.

Went to the doctor's this morning. But, couldn't get an appointment today.

bummer.

Me: Can I book an appointment?
Nurse: Nothing today. Will 10.30 am tomorrow be alright?

My mind went like this: WHAT THE FUCK????!!!!! The pain is already at, literally, an ear-splitting level and I have to wait a full 24 hour period???!!! U have got to be kidding me?

But the usual me, just smiled and agreed and started a torturous torment of waiting with an earache that's so painful, I feel like want to scream. All the while, thinking: FUCK!!!!!

I just can't seem to tell ppl off when the need arises. That's why I'm pissed at myself. If I can find the words to be mean at my siblings back home, why can't I summon that skill to help myself in times of need like this? I'm useless.

And I still have my law and accounting tute to do. And I haven't progressed since 8.30pm.
I'm hating myself even more.